I recently went to a friend’s baby shower. The decorations were beautiful, the food was incredible, one of the games was television oriented so I actually won, the mom-to-be was delightfully spoiled, and the conversations were very informative. Baby and bridal showers are like office water coolers of female friendships; these are the events that women love talking about their spouses at most.
Some of the discussions were eye opening and actually reminded me why I married Chris – he is a great guy.
Many of the women that I spoke with told me that their male counterparts did not help with the laundry. This shocked me. Not as surprising, the same men who avoided doing laundry, didn’t like to help with cooking or cleaning either.
How could these men not be helping with household chores in 2016?
The women that I spoke to are admirable as they all worked full-time jobs yet they had these added responsibilities at home that their significant others didn’t. Even if you enjoy cleaning, I’m left wondering whether or not you would later resent your partner for not helping.
I’m friends with a lot of men and I know that many of them would help with chores – not all men leave this to be ‘women’s work’ (a terrible term). Chris is living proof that some husbands believe in sharing the unassigned home-work-load.
What is wrong with these other guys? Do they want wives or moms?
The thing is that I know that the women who I spoke with didn’t love doing all of the housework because they were talking about it at this baby shower. The weird thing is that it was almost less like complaining and more like bragging about whose partner contributed less – it wasn’t funny to me.
I know that Chris’ overly clean tendencies aren’t exactly typical, but it’s not just keeping a clean house that makes him a quality spouse (accidental rhyme).
We take on jobs equally at home: we take turns going up and down the stairs to switch the laundry loads and both do the folding; we cook and then wash the dishes together; we both work on exterior landscaping; we renovate the house together; and while I scrub, he vacuums – we are a well-balanced team.
Knowing how the other person behaves as a live-in-partner is so important to me which is why I’m a firm believer in living together before marriage. Not only do you learn whether or not you want to kill the other person, but you also learn their habits and beliefs.
If Chris hadn’t been as great as he was, he wouldn’t have been chosen to be on my team.
Although we have barely been married for 3 months, we are going on living together now for 3 years and I’m very happy with our system.
If you are happy with your system that’s wonderful, but I’m just trying to let other women know that players get traded from professional teams all the time – sometimes there are better fits, sometimes there are better team-players who want to play for you.
Until we have Rosie-Robots in our lives, finding an equal partner to love and share your home with is an important standard to keep. Wife does not have to mean maid or mother to your husband, it means that you have a best friend (male or female) to help make life a little easier.
(Featured image is December 2012, the first Christmas after we had met)
I married my best friend August 13th 2016, but we’ve been living together for a couple of years now so the newlywed stage doesn’t feel relevant. I tend to believe that I live the life of a Rom-Com as my life is never boring and I sometimes get myself into silly situations.
Here is the story of how Chris and I met as well as our first date: (Chris added his perspective and those comments are featured in bold/green)
Chris and I met through friends just over four years ago. I had just gotten out of a two-year relationship and went out to a local open mic that I had once frequented at a pub calledThe Thirsty Monk. Lori Anne told me that her friend Alex was meeting us there with his friend Tanya, and we had planned on singing that night. As soon as we had arrived and I’d been introduced to Alex and Tanya, I was asked if my friend Mike was my boyfriend (he’d come to hang out too). I told Tanya that he was not and that I’d actually just gotten out of a relationship, she immediately responded with “Good because you’re perfect for my friend Bowman!”
I hadn’t even had a conversation with this barely made acquaintance yet she thought that she knew I was perfect for some random guy who wasn’t even at the bar? I nodded my head politely and smiled, “Oh yeah?” Throughout the night she continued to rant about him, she showed me pictures from Facebook, and told me stories. She told me that he was a pilot (admittedly a very sexy career) who goes away for a month at a time, but he’d be getting home anytime now. I admit that I was listening, but not taking her too seriously as I wasn’t sure if I’d see Tanya again let alone meet the mystery man “Bowman” (almost everyone calls him Bowman, but I call him Christopher or Chris).
When the next week’s open mic night arrived, Lori Anne and I headed to the pub. Her friend Will was supposed to meet us there, but when we got to the backroom I was surprised to also see the familiar face of a stranger – the Bowman to which I had heard all about one week previous. I remember that he had a big smile when he saw me, he had obviously heard about me too.
I was intrigued by what Tanya had said about Cassy, as she had mentioned that I had to meet her. I was happy that I went. She had a great smile and was talkative, which helped because I am a quieter person. It made for no awkward pauses.
Chris is the kind of guy who doesn’t use social media all that much and had a lot less photos online B.C. (Before Cassy), (a good 98% of the photos of me on FB are posted by Cassy and other people) this led to me seeing some distant shots of him in Antarctica wearing a large winter coat, sunglasses, and standing next to some penguins. Impressive, but not a good indicator of what he looked like. When I first saw Chris in person I remember thinking that he was so handsome and I was immediately attached to his gaze. We didn’t leave each other’s sides much that night as he bought me drinks and I talked his ear off while getting to know him. I likely sang poorly as I was a bit tipsy, but he smiled the whole way through my songs so I felt pretty okay about things. Chris got my number and we had plans to ‘hang out’ the upcoming Monday night.
She thought she sang poorly, but I thought she sang quite well. It also helped that she was really cute. Maybe that skewed my perception of her singing, haha.
Our first date, was a memorable one.
We met halfway between our cities to go for a walk along the shoreline and I didn’t really know what to expect. I was 21 at the time and my last boyfriend had been a year younger than me. Chris is six years older than I am and at the time, a 27-year-old man (emphasis on man) sounded refreshing. I was absolutely not looking for a boyfriend, but he had something about him that made me want to get to know him more.
We walked up and down a Lake Ontario pathway, talking and flirting, when he got an important phone call that he needed to take. He then explained to me that in the five days since we had met, he had seen a house, put an offer in, and that he was sorry, but he needed to meet his real estate agent tonight! I was so impressed – I later joked that it was a ploy to make him look good on the first date. I tagged along to meet the agent.
I swear it wasn’t a ploy to get her to like me more. I had actually felt bad about having to make this detour mid date, and was hoping that it wasn’t taking away from it too much.
It turned out that we needed to wait longer than expected on something from the homeowners so his agent took us to a nearby Tim Hortons for 40 minutes or so. We had found ourselves unintentionally on a bit of an oddly chaperoned date and Chris’ agent/friend likely felt like a third wheel.
(FUN FACT) Although I’ve been a barista twice in my lifetime, I don’t like coffee, which is why I ordered hot chocolate. To not look even more like a child on my date with an older guy, I decided against using a straw. This attempt at not seeming too young led to my clumsy demise of spilling my hot chocolate all over the crotch of my jeans (I have been known to spill hot chocolate often in my life and struggle to drink it without a straw still to this day). I was so embarrassed that this happened not only on my first date with this guy, but there was a witness – his real estate agent!
For some reason he didn’t call the date off and we went to a pool hall after leaving his real estate endeavors behind for the night. I confidently ignored my hot chocolate-stained denim and actually won the first game of pool, I am still unsure as to if he let me win or not because I have never won another game since. Even after seeing me spill on myself, how overly competitive I am, and how sore of a loser I can be, he stuck around. We parted ways without a goodnight kiss and I wondered if there would be a second date.
Certainly a memorable and unusual first date.
Fun facts: 1. I met his mom on our third date 2. I met his ex-girlfriend of six years on our third date (accident, he hadn’t run into her in 2 years) (This was definitely not part of the plan) 3. The third date was a lot to take in 4. I was just starting university when he asked me to be exclusive 5. He had to ask me to be his exclusive girlfriend about 3 times 6. My mom gave me advice: you can’t control when you meet the right person, if he’s special you’ll give it a shot 7. We dated for 4 weeks and then he was away for work for 5 weeks 8. Dating and being married to a pilot can be hard, but Chris is worth it 9. We’re best friends
Life Lesson: you never know where or when you’re going to meet the right person and if things don’t go perfectly you’re probably just living out one of the most interesting stories you’ll tell in your life!
A collection of photos of us throughout the last four years: